Playing With Fire Read online

  ‘So be it! There are more important things to consider than a car. Like, for instance, the baby.’

  She scowled. ‘You know, sometimes I wish . . .’ Her voice trailed off.

  ‘What, Margaret? What do you sometimes wish? That you’d never married me?’ he said bitterly. ‘Well, let me tell you something. Sometimes I wish I was footloose and fancy-free, just like Donald Murphy! He seems to be having a whale of a time gallivanting about in his new car, and maybe, just maybe, you would then look at me with cow’s eyes.’

  Fear entered her heart. He had never spoken to her like this before. Terrified that he might find her wanting and start to look elsewhere, she said quickly, ‘I didn’t mean that at all.’

  ‘Didn’t you?’ With a scornful look he turned on his heel and left the room, glad he had given her something to think about. He was fed up to the teeth with her griping. She hadn’t a kind word to say about anyone or anything these days. There was simply no pleasing her.

  The house in Cockerton was pronounced habitable in the middle of March, in so far as the bathroom had been refitted and most of the kitchen cupboards replaced. It still needed a lot doing to it, but Edith and Billy couldn’t wait to move in and decided to do so right away and refurbish as they went along. Susan was invited to move with them and, although she had vowed to stay where she was until the baby was born, she was glad of the opportunity to get away from the ever-simmering envy of Margaret, who made a habit of popping in to see her whenever she got the chance. The next week was spent carefully packing books and knick-knacks into cartons and tea chests in preparation for the move.

  Donald immediately gave notice to the rent man that his house would soon be empty, much to the delight of Jack, who would be glad to see the back of the man who had once been his best friend. Susan, however, was dismayed when she heard, sure that Donald would regret his decision when he met and wanted to marry some girl. He assured her that he was glad not to have to visit the house any more. Nothing else was said, but Susan wondered just what Margaret had been up to, when given the chance, to make Donald so relieved to escape. She tried to pry, but Donald just tapped the side of his nose with a forefinger and would say no more.

  It was near Easter when fate created an unexpected opportunity for Graham to visit England. The business was booming and his father was eager to open another car showroom. Something different, a completely new design. Graham, who that very day had been admiring the latest building designs in Newcastle, hastened to get the magazines to show him.

  His father examined the pictures presented to him and exclaimed, ‘These are in Newcastle, England. Why would we want to go and see them when we have fine architects here in Ireland?’

  Seeing his chance to get across the water slipping away, Graham confided, ‘Dad, I need a break. Just a few days away on my own.’

  George Robson eyed his son closely. ‘I’ve noticed you’re not yourself lately, something’s bugging you. If you aren’t happy about your engagement to Alison, son, break it off now. I realise you won’t want to hurt her, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.’

  ‘It’s not that, Dad. There’s something else I need to get sorted out in my mind and I need some space to think.’

  ‘Mind you, you will only be going over to have a look.’

  ‘I know that, Dad. But, you know, it wouldn’t be a bad idea branching out. Newcastle, after all, is less than an hour away by plane.’

  ‘You can get that idea out of your head, young man. Your mother hates flying.’

  With a cheeky grin Graham said, ‘Ah, but then, she wouldn’t have to go.’

  George returned the grin, glad to see his son looking more relaxed. ‘Away and book your flight, before I change my mind.’

  ‘Thanks, Dad. Thanks a million.’

  There was nothing wrong with Alison’s geography and when she heard his plans, she was quick to point out how close to Darlington he would be.

  ‘You know, I didn’t realise that,’ he exclaimed. ‘Tell you what. If I can find the time, and it’s not too far away, I’ll go and surprise Susan.’

  ‘I wish I could go with you,’ Alison lamented. ‘It’s not fair.’

  Successfully hiding his dismay at her suggestion, Graham said, ‘I know. But your dad would never hear tell of you coming along. Besides, I won’t be free to entertain you. I’ll be busy meeting different people and going out to look at buildings. You’d be bored stiff.’

  ‘Not if you dropped me off at Susan’s while you were carrying out your business. I’ll have a word with Dad.’

  However, Trevor was not so forthcoming, accusing Alison of following in her sister’s footsteps. Disappointed, but knowing how much her mother was missing her eldest daughter and not wanting to cause any more friction than was necessary, she agreed to remain at home while Graham was away. Ashamed of the relief he felt, Graham was extra-attentive to her and promised to buy her a nice piece of jewellery while over in England.

  Uneasy, but unable to figure out why, she clung to him as he was about to leave for the airport. ‘Don’t you go falling for one of those English girls,’ she warned.

  ‘Don’t be silly! I’m going over on business, remember, ’ he admonished her. ‘I won’t have any free time to chat up the girls.’

  ‘If you get a chance to see our Susan, try and get her to come home. Tell her how much we all miss her.’

  ‘I will. I’d better go, love. I’ll ring tonight. Okay?’

  She nodded and lifted her face for his kiss. With a peck on the cheek and a quick hug, he put her from him.

  ‘See you soon.’

  She watched him drive off through a blur of tears. If only she had been more forthcoming at the beginning of their relationship there wouldn’t be this invisible barrier between them. Now, try though she might, she couldn’t get close to him. When had it all gone wrong?

  At their engagement party. They had been so close that night; the closest she had ever come to feeling any passion for him, and he must have sensed it, but when he had proposed that they sleep together she had reacted like a Victorian lady. No wonder he seemed to have gone off her. When he came back she would make it up to him. But did she really want to start all that? Surely there should be more to marriage than two people taking vows. There should be passion, excitement, awe. Shouldn’t there? Or was it just in books that passion throbbed and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other? She certainly had no inclination to fondle Graham’s body. Quite the opposite; the idea repulsed her. She had the greatest admiration for him, but he did not appeal to her in that way and sometimes this worried her.

  From remarks made by her friends she gathered that most of them felt the same; not sure if they had met the right one, yet afraid to let them go and end up old maids. The first time she had met Jim Brady, that night at the Orpheus, before he and Susan had been aware of her, she had sensed deep emotions between them. It had been like an electric current in the air. She had envied her sister her good fortune. Yet apparently it had ended in heartbreak. What did one do for the best?

  The move into the new house went smoothly. Billy’s friends in the market rallied round and on Sunday, with a lot of vans and open-backed lorries available for transport, the contents of the old house were soon transferred to the new home. Jack and Margaret had also helped out, as had Donald. The six of them were sitting amidst a jumble of boxes and crates having their first cup of tea on the new premises, when a knock on the door brought Edith proudly to her feet.

  ‘I bet you that will be one of the neighbours to wish us well. Our first visitor. I’ll answer it.’

  Edith, who had visited the house regularly, painting and polishing, was already on nodding acquaintance with a few of her neighbours, but the man standing on her doorstep was not one of them. They eyed each other for a few seconds. He recognised Edith’s resemblance to her sister. ‘I’m looking for a Mrs Devine,’ he said politely and she immediately recognised the Belfast brogue. ‘I went to her old addres
s and was directed here.’

  ‘I’m Edith Devine.’

  ‘I was told your niece, Susan Cummings, would be here with you?’

  A frown gathered on Edith’s brow. ‘Who wants to know?’

  ‘I’m a friend from back home. I’d business in Newcastle and thought I’d take the opportunity to call and see her.’

  Jumbled thoughts filled Edith’s mind. Was this the child’s father? Had he somehow or other heard about her niece’s predicament and come to claim her?

  Back in the sitting room they sat with strained ears. They heard Edith open the door and the murmur of voices. Then Edith returned, a worried look on her face and a tall man at her heels. ‘It’s someone to see you, Susan. Someone from back home.’

  Shock coursed through Susan’s body and she went deathly pale as she gazed in amazement at Graham Robson.

  He could see that she was upset and rushed into apologies. ‘I’m sorry for not letting you know, Susan, but I had business in Newcastle and thought I’d pay a flying visit.’

  Susan swallowed to try to remove the lump that was lodged in her throat and rose slowly to her feet. With hand outstretched and a sickly smile of welcome on her face, she approached Graham. ‘It’s wonderful to see you.’ His eyes swept over her, taking in her obvious pregnancy, and she thought he looked excited. But why? She rushed into introductions. ‘Graham, let me introduce you. This is my Aunt Edith.’

  Cordially Edith clasped the hand offered to her. ‘I realise now who you are,’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re Alison’s young man. Welcome to my new home. We just this afternoon moved in, so you will have to forgive the mess.’ To Susan’s relief she took over the introductions. ‘This is my husband Billy and son Jack. That girl is Jack’s wife and this is a friend of the family, Donald Murphy.’

  Donald could see how dismayed Susan was and, remembering how hard she had worked to keep the knowledge of her pregnancy from those back home, he shook Graham warmly by the hand. ‘This is a pleasure. I’ve been looking forward to meeting Susan’s family.’ It was up to Susan now whether or not she wanted this man to think they were a couple.

  She shot him a grateful look. ‘He has indeed been torturing me to take him home to meet you all,’ she agreed, with a fond smile in his direction. ‘But I wanted to wait until the baby is born.’

  Graham looked deep into her eyes. This conversation was ad lib. It didn’t ring true. Before he could think of a reply, Edith cried, ‘Look, we haven’t even offered the man a chair. Sit down, son. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll rustle up something to eat.’

  ‘That won’t be necessary, thank you. I would just like a word with Susan, if I may?’ His gaze was pleading. ‘Bring you up to date about things back home. I’ve hired a car. Perhaps you will come for a drive with me?’

  ‘I’ll just tidy myself up a bit. Excuse me, please.’ On reluctant feet she climbed the stairs to the bathroom. What on earth had brought him here? How should she handle this?

  A silence fell when she left the room. It was Edith who broke it. ‘I hear you have just become engaged to my other niece, Alison. Congratulations, son.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘May I second that, son. She’s a lovely girl.’

  Graham smiled at Billy. ‘I’m a lucky man.’

  This Alison was a very lucky girl, Margaret thought. Those shoes were hand-made and that suit and Crombie overcoat must have cost the earth. Besides, there was something funny going on here. How come Susan hadn’t told her family about the baby? To her, it was obvious that they didn’t know! This man had been gobsmacked, and something else . . . An elusive expression had flitted across his face; too swift for her to put a name to it.

  When Susan returned she was dressed for outdoors. ‘I’m ready, Graham.’

  ‘Graham, I insist you come back here for a bite to eat before you go back to Newcastle.’ He opened his mouth to make an excuse, but Edith was adamant. ‘I insist. It won’t be a feast, but it will fill the gap.’

  ‘I don’t want to be any bother.’

  ‘I assure you, it will be no bother at all.’

  He nodded. ‘Thank you very much. I’d be glad to.’

  In the car Graham turned to her. ‘Which direction?’

  ‘Turn up West Auckland Road and then straight on,’ she said.

  Soon they were out in the countryside, with trees and hedges flashing past on either side. It was a typical March evening, cold and blustery. Great dark clouds buffeted each other low in the sky, as if anxious to shed their heavy load. Susan gazed blindly out of the window, waiting for the interrogation she knew was to come. Graham was silent, trying to figure things out in his mind. He didn’t want to put his foot in it. Where did this Donald fellow fit into all this?

  Ten minutes passed and, unable to bear the silence any longer, Susan turned a reproachful gaze on him. ‘Why did you come here, Graham?’

  ‘I told you. I had to come to Newcastle on business, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. Everybody’s worried sick about you, you know, and it looks like they were right to be worried.’

  ‘There’s no need. I told them I was all right,’ she said stubbornly.

  His eyes fastened briefly on her stomach. ‘You call that all right?’

  ‘It’s nobody’s business but mine! I’ve settled in over here. If I was to go home, my dad would give me no peace. I’d be the lowest of the low.’

  ‘Don’t let Trevor keep you away from your family and friends, Susan. He has already guessed you’re pregnant. Believe me, it would be a nine-day wonder.’

  She gaped at him in horror. ‘My dad thinks I’m pregnant? ’

  ‘I’m afraid so. Mind you, nobody believed him! Jim Brady danced with Alison one night at the Orpheus and he swore he never touched you.’ But I did, he inwardly lamented. His teeth gnawed at his lower lip as he tried to frame the next question.

  ‘Jim Brady knows I’m pregnant?’ she cried, aghast. ‘Ah no, no!’ The very idea of him knowing filled her with a great sorrow. What must he be thinking?

  In spite of her efforts at self-control, she started to tremble and low moans escaped her lips. Frantically he watched for a lay-by to stop the car in. To his relief one came up right away and he drew the car into it and turned to her. ‘Susan, don’t let it upset you so. No one knows you’re pregnant. It was just an idea your dad came up with. A reason for you not coming home.’

  Images of Jim Brady filled her mind, his dark, handsome face full of disgust at her downfall. What a low opinion he must have of her. All the same, he should find it easy enough to believe. Hadn’t she thrown herself at him, and hadn’t he pushed her away?

  Graham reached for her hands and clasped them tightly. Blindly she turned to him for consolation. Then, with an exclamation of dismay, she pulled herself free, all thoughts of Jim fading from her mind at Graham’s touch. The dark warmth of the car’s interior brought to mind another time spent in similar circumstances - and look where that had led. Would she never learn? Still, how she longed for the comfort of his embrace. Anybody’s embrace, for that matter. Just to be held by him would be wonderful. Just to be held by someone, with no strings attached, would be soothing to her tortured soul, but she couldn’t take that chance. What if she blurted out everything into his sympathetic ear?

  Feverishly she groped for the door handle. The heat in the car was stifling; she needed to get out of here, needed fresh air, or she was likely to faint. A heavy mist had descended and the air, with an agricultural taint, was far from fresh, but still she gulped great mouthfuls of it into her lungs. The cold dampness hit the back of her throat, making her splutter and cough.

  He was out of the car and beside her immediately. ‘Susan, please get back in the car. I’m not going to touch you.’

  ‘You’re dead right, you’re not,’ she gasped indignantly between coughs.

  ‘Please, Susan, don’t be so bitter. If only you knew how much I regretted that night. If only I could turn back the clock, I would do so. Can�
�t you forgive me?’

  ‘I forgave you a long time ago, Graham. It was just one of those things. We were both to blame.’

  Instinctively her hand rested on her stomach and he was quick to notice. ‘It was my fault! I knew you were vulnerable, but I couldn’t help myself, Susan. You’re very lovely, and so sensual. I was gobsmacked when I realised you were a virgin.’

  Sensual? He thought her sensual? Why couldn’t Jim have thought so? She pushed this thought away and latched on to the rest of his words. ‘Why?’ she cried accusingly. ‘Why were you gobsmacked? Did I come across to you as an easy lay? Did you think I’d been sleeping around?’

  ‘Of course not!’ he retaliated, alarmed at her reaction. ‘Just, you and Jim were so close I felt sure you must have been intimate.’

  ‘Hah! I’ll have you know he wouldn’t so much as lay a finger on me. That’s how intimate we were.’

  ‘That’s because he loved you.’

  She was quick to note the past tense. ‘You said “loved”. Is there someone new in his life now?’

  He shrugged his shoulders and spread his hands wide in frustration. ‘How would I know? I never see him these days.’

  She stood with bowed head and he sensed that she was crying, though not a sound came from her. He should go away and leave her in peace. But he had to find out the truth. A sob escaped her lips and, thrusting a handkerchief into her hand, he persisted in his quest. ‘Susan, you were a virgin that night . . . Is this my child? I may as well own up, that’s the real reason why I’m here this evening. The business in Newcastle was just an excuse to get over and see you. And I want a truthful answer.’

  She recoiled from him in horror. How had he guessed?

  ‘What on earth makes you think that?’

  ‘Alison only let slip that you might be pregnant on New Year’s Eve. She had never mentioned it before or I’d have been over here long ago. It struck me immediately that, if Trevor was right, I might be the father. I haven’t been able to think of anything else since. Only, if it is, I can’t see why you didn’t tell me. Is it mine? Is it, Susan?’