Playing With Fire Page 3

  A crooked smile twisted Jim’s mouth. ‘No, and I don’t think I’m likely to.’

  ‘Oh . . .?’

  ‘I’m from the wrong side of the track, you see.’

  ‘But surely, in this day and age, things like that don’t matter?’ said Graham with genuine surprise.

  ‘My mother’s a widow and I’ve two younger sisters to keep an eye on. My wage is needed every week. Can you see her father welcoming me as a suitable husband? Especially as I’m a Catholic.’

  ‘Hmm, I see what you mean.’ After a short pause Graham continued, ‘You seem very attracted to each other. I wish Alison would look at me like that.’

  Embarrassed, Jim was non-committal. ‘It’s where it all ends that counts. But there’s no future for us.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Forgive me. I should mind my own business. ’

  ‘No harm done. Here, grab a couple of these glasses.’

  The two girls sat at one of the small tables that dotted the sides of the dance floor. Alison’s eyes glowed as she looked around her. ‘It’s wonderful here. I suppose you come all the time?’

  Stretching the truth a bit, Susan confessed, ‘Most Saturdays.’

  ‘You’re a dark horse, Susan.’ Alison’s voice was accusing. ‘Jim’s gorgeous. Why are you making a big a secret of him?’

  Susan smiled slightly at her sister’s obvious admiration. ‘He is gorgeous, isn’t he?’ she agreed. She had a feeling that her sister would want to stay with them the rest of the evening and she was thinking of ways to put Alison off. She wanted Jim to herself. ‘Graham is also very nice. I could see Mam and Dad were impressed with him.’

  ‘I’m sure they’d like Jim, too. Why didn’t you invite him to tea?’

  ‘I’m afraid I can’t agree with you there. He wouldn’t get much of a welcome in our house, I can assure you of that.’

  Alison’s eyes widened, then closed for a few seconds as comprehension dawned. Her voice was full of pity. ‘Of course. How stupid of me. With a name like Jim Brady he has to be a Catholic.’

  ‘Here you are, Susan,’ Jim handed her a glass of juice. ‘Graham is coming with yours now, Alison. He stopped to talk to someone.’

  ‘I’m here.’ With a flourish, a glass of juice was set on the table in front of Alison. ‘Cheers.’ Graham raised his glass.

  A chorus of ‘Cheers’ was followed by a brief silence as they quenched their thirst.

  To Susan’s consternation, after a few minutes of desultory conversation Graham asked her to dance with him. With a startled glance at Jim, she reluctantly followed him on to the dance floor.

  Alison looked expectantly at Jim and he responded. ‘Shall we?’

  As they circled the floor Alison gazed up into Jim’s face. ‘Have you and Susan been seeing each other for a long time?’

  ‘Not very long. Why do you ask?’

  ‘You look very lovey-dovey together.’

  A wide grin split his face at the audacity of her remark. ‘Do you think so?’

  ‘I do indeed!’ An insinuating look accompanied the words.

  His deep-blue eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled and she thought how handsome he was. ‘Just what are you suggesting, Alison?’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But I’d hate to see Susan get hurt.’

  ‘She’s a big girl. She knows the score.’

  ‘Are you sure? She believes everything she’s told. She’s very trusting. Not like me.’ Alison tossed her blonde curls. ‘I take everything with a pinch of salt.’

  He laughed - anyone would think she was the older sister. ‘Believe me, she knows the score.’

  ‘Are you planning to marry, then?’

  ‘If you don’t mind my saying so, I don’t think that’s any of your business. Are you going to marry Graham?’

  ‘Who knows? It’s early days.’

  ‘Has he asked you to marry him?’

  ‘No.’ She laughed aloud. ‘But he will,’ she added confidently.

  They were passing Graham and Susan, who were covering the floor in silence and noting the ease with which Alison was engaging Jim in conversation. Susan remarked, ‘Our Alison would feel at home in the company of the Queen. I wish I had her personality.’

  Graham grimaced. ‘She’s not always so forthcoming with me.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really. And there is nothing wrong with your personality. I think you’re charming, and it’s obvious that Jim is besotted with you.’

  His admiration was apparent and Susan coloured slightly under his gaze, receiving the compliment graciously. ‘Thank you.’

  They smiled at each other and she thought what a nice person he was. Her sister was a lucky girl. Over her shoulder, Graham watched Alison laugh and flirt with Jim and his eyes were bleak. Why couldn’t she tease him like that? Did she care about him at all? Surely she must, or why ask him home to meet the family? If only she were more like her sister.

  Susan’s earlier premonition proved right. After the next dance Alison and Graham sought them out and it was taken for granted that they would share a table. The two men got on like a house on fire and Susan had to admit that she enjoyed the light-hearted banter. Her only fear was that Jim would insist that she go home in Graham’s car. These fears were unfounded, however. At the end of the evening Jim politely but firmly turned down Graham’s offer of a lift home. He said he was taking Susan for a bite of supper.

  ‘What a good idea,’ Alison cried delightedly. ‘Why don’t we join them, Graham?’

  Graham stood silent. He could understand Jim’s dilemma. If he accepted, Jim and Susan would have no opportunity to be alone.

  They were standing outside the Orpheus and, to her delight, Jim reached for Susan’s hand and tucked it beneath his elbow. ‘If you don’t mind, Alison, we would like to be alone for a while. Mm?’

  ‘Oh, I see.’

  Noting her disappointment, Jim suggested gently, ‘Perhaps we could all join up again next Saturday night?’

  Afraid that Alison was going to insist on joining them for supper, Graham quickly agreed. ‘That’s a great idea, Jim. I look forward to meeting you again. Good night. Good night, Susan.’ With these words he propelled a protesting Alison along York Street, leaving Jim and Susan alone.

  ‘That puts a stop to our Saturday nights together at the Orpheus,’ Susan mused.

  ‘Why? I think it’s a good idea that we meet up. I enjoyed their company.’

  ‘So did I,’ Susan admitted. ‘But I thought you liked being alone with me,’ she added peevishly.

  They were cutting through Smithfield Market area and he pulled her into the doorway of a pet shop. ‘I do. I love being alone with you, so that I can do this.’ His hand caressed her breast.

  Her eyes lit up and she lifted her face for his kiss. The kiss was long and satisfying and their passions rose.

  ‘You see? This is what happens when we’re alone. I can’t keep my hands off you.’

  ‘But I want you to touch me,’ she cried in bewilderment. ‘We were meant for each other, Jim. Surely you can see that? Don’t!’ He had removed his hand and she tried to pull it back. ‘Don’t push me away like this, Jim. I love you.’

  Reluctantly he widened the space between them even more.

  ‘We can’t go on like this, Susan.’

  ‘I know! I know we can’t. We could get married quietly, and go somewhere outside Belfast to live.’

  ‘Ah, Susan. Susan.’ He shook his head in despair. ‘I told you there was no question of us marrying. Remember? It isn’t just our religious differences. You know that. I’ve explained to you that my mam’s a widow. I’ve to provide for her and the girls. You said you wouldn’t hold it against me when the inevitable happened and we had to part.’

  ‘Are you saying that you don’t want to see me any more?’ she cried aghast, fear sending a shiver down her spine.

  ‘No, of course I’m not saying that, but we can never marry.’

  ‘Well, then, whatever y
ou like, Jim. I don’t care what people say. I’ll live with you.’

  Resting his hands on her shoulders, he gazed at her beseechingly. ‘Susan, I love you and I will never use you in that way. Now, can we continue to see each other without any strings attached?’

  Left without any choice, she nodded glumly, the tears threatening to fall.

  ‘Then let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.’

  The idea of eating anything made her feel sick. How could he even think of food? Nevertheless she managed to nibble at a sandwich and drink a few sips of tea while she talked brightly to him. She would tolerate anything just to be with him.

  Jim watched the effort she was making and thought how unfair life was. It must soon end; it could only get harder. But not yet, his heart cried. Not just yet. Surely he deserved some time with her? He loved her so much.

  To Susan’s deep regret, Saturday night at the Orpheus became a regular foursome. Oh, she loved the company, but she missed the intimate moments between dances when Jim sat with his arm around her shoulders whispering sweet nothings in her ear. In spite of sulks from Alison, Graham never again offered them a lift home. There was an unspoken agreement that they part company outside the Orpheus, and this pleased Susan no end. Then, one Saturday night a few weeks later, it was absolutely pouring down when they left the hall after the dance. There had been a slight drizzle when they arrived, but now the rain was literally bouncing off the pavement. They eyed it in silence for some moments.

  Graham diffidently offered them a lift. ‘I know you would prefer not to, but that rain looks as if it’s in for the night.’

  Jim drew Susan to one side. ‘I think it would be a good idea if you went home with Graham and Alison tonight. I’ll get a taxi.’

  ‘No, Jim. I want to stay with you for a while. We haven’t had a minute alone all evening. I’ll get a taxi home later on.’

  ‘Be reasonable, Susan. Even if we go for a bite of supper, we’ll be soaked to the skin by the time we get there. If Graham gives us a lift to the café, Alison will want to join us and it would be churlish to refuse her. It would become a habit, so it would. Do you want that?’

  She could see his point of view and shook her head glumly.

  ‘So please accept Graham’s offer of a lift.’ Jim tilted her face up to his and kissed her. ‘See you on Tuesday night as usual.’

  Graham had tactfully led Alison out of earshot to give them more privacy. Now he moved forward as Jim turned towards them, an inquiring look on his face. ‘We’d be very grateful if you would give Susan a lift home, Graham. And I’ll see you both next Saturday.’

  Jim hurried along Royal Avenue and turned up Castle Street hoping to catch the last bus. He was lucky and caught it by the skin of his teeth. Nevertheless, he was already soaked to the skin. But he begrudged paying for a taxi home. He needed to be careful with his money if he was to entertain Susan twice a week. Money was no real problem to her and she didn’t understand. He stared at his reflection in the bus window. His hair was plastered to his head and his eyes had a bleak look. Susan’s annoyance at his decision to send her home with her sister rankled. After supper every Saturday night he always got a taxi to her street to make sure she got home safely. Then he walked home, but that was out of the question tonight; surely she understood that?

  Another problem had cropped up. His youngest sister Louise was due to leave school soon and Sister Vincent, the head nun at St Vincent’s School, had sent for his mother and asked her to consider sending Louise to St Dominic’s College for further education. His mother had been against the idea, saying that they couldn’t add to the burden Jim already carried, but with his other sister May already at St Dominic’s, how could he deny Louise her chance? It was the penalty of having two clever sisters. But with all these commitments, when would he ever be in a position to get married?

  It felt as if he carried the worries of the world on his shoulders. He felt like a man who had been married for years. Susan thought that religion was the only stumbling block to their marrying; if only she were right. Why, if that was the case, he would defy the Church and her father, and marry her no matter what the cost.

  It was a month later when the bottom fell out of Susan’s world. The Saturday night started off as usual. Susan arrived with Alison and Graham, and Jim was waiting in the foyer for them. Greetings were exchanged and they made their way to the ballroom. Soon, however, alert to every nuance where Jim was concerned, Susan became aware that something was wrong. As they circled the floor he held her with a desperation that was very apparent to her.

  ‘What’s up, Jim? What’s bothering you? Do you feel ill?’

  He shook his head in denial. ‘I’m perfectly all right.’ After all, a breaking heart was not considered an illness.

  ‘Jim, come off it! I know something’s wrong.’

  His lips trailed her face and a sigh escaped his lips. ‘We will talk about it later.’

  He would say no more and she had to curb her impatience and wait. The other two seemed unaware of anything out of the ordinary and the evening passed slowly.

  As usual, they said good night to Alison and Graham outside on the pavement. It was a cold night and, arms entwined, they hurried to their special café, where they always sat at the table in the corner and talked and talked. Tonight Jim was silent, locked in his own deep thoughts. Her patience, which had been sorely tried all evening, suddenly snapped.

  ‘All right, Jim, I can’t stand the big silence any longer. Let’s hear all about it.’

  ‘First things first. What would you like to eat?’

  ‘I’m not hungry, thank you.’

  These words brought a reluctant smile to his drawn face. ‘You’re always hungry.’

  ‘Not tonight, I’m not. Food would choke me.’ The waitress had approached their table and Susan gave her order. ‘Just coffee for me, thank you.’

  ‘Make that two coffees, please,’ Jim seconded her.

  He reached across and clasped her hands in his. ‘Susan, you know I love you, don’t you?’

  Sensing bad news, her heart started racing and her nails bit into his hands. ‘Yes. What is it, Jim, what’s the problem? Is your mother ill? Can you not see me for a while?’

  ‘Not for a while,’ he said slowly. ‘In fact, I think it’s time to call it a day.’

  She swallowed deep in her throat, hurt beyond measure. ‘What do you mean, call it a day?’

  ‘You know what I mean, Susan. It’s not fair to you, to go on as we are.’

  ‘I’m not complaining.’ Her lips twisted in a wry smile. ‘Well, not often anyhow.’

  ‘You’re a young, attractive woman, Susan, and I can’t waste any more of your life.’

  ‘What are you suggesting, Jim?’

  ‘I think it’s time we parted.’

  The waitress arrived with the coffee and Jim released her hands. ‘Thank you.’

  Susan felt bereft without his touch. This is how she would feel if she never saw him again. ‘Just tell me this, Jim. Have you met someone else?’ she whispered fiercely.

  ‘Don’t be daft! I could never look at another girl while I have you.’

  ‘Well, then, I can’t see why we can’t keep on meeting. We’re certainly not doing anything wrong. Your priests could certainly find no fault in our relationship.’

  His lips tightened and an angry colour crept up his face. ‘And how long do you think I can stand this? Think, Susan. Do I have to spell it out for you? I’m a man! I can’t bear to be with you and not have the right to show my feelings.’

  She leant eagerly across the table and whispered urgently. ‘But we can show our feelings. I feel the same. You know I do. We will just have to be careful, Jim.’

  Her heart sank. He was shaking his head before she had finished speaking. ‘I’ve too many commitments. As you know, our Louise is starting at St Dominic’s College. I’ve already spent the few savings I had tucked away for a rainy day. She needed uniforms, books and other bits and
pieces. I’ve actually had to go into debt. Then there will be extra bus fares. If we had stayed in Spinner Street instead of moving up the Falls, we wouldn’t have had a mortgage and the girls could have walked to college. But we did move! It seemed a good idea at the time, but that was before I met you. As things stand, I can’t see any hope for us at all.’

  ‘I’ll wait, Jim. I’ll wait as long as necessary. I didn’t realize that you were so worried about money. Why, that’s no problem. I can pay for our outings.’

  ‘Do you think I’d let you do that? No. I’ve made up my mind about this. Lord knows it wasn’t an easy decision, but we can’t keep on seeing each other.’

  Their coffee grew cold as they argued, but he was adamant. In the taxi on the way home, Susan was all over him. She would make him realise just how wonderful life could be, whether or not they were married.

  In the shadowy corner shielded by tall hedges, where they usually said good night, she went wild, full of passion and offering her all. To her delight, instead of pushing her gently away, as he normally did when she got worked up, he lost control. Gripping her tightly, he pounded his body against hers, his mouth savagely devouring hers. Feverishly, she clung to him, egging him on. Her heart was singing. At last he was going to be hers. She was wise enough to know that once Jim took her, in his eyes they’d be as good as married. It wasn’t the way she would have planned it, but what did it matter if it was here on the corner, so long as it meant he was committed to her?

  Suddenly she found herself flung back against the hedge as he turned his back on her. ‘Jim?’

  For some moments he stood, shoulders heaving, fighting for control. Then he swung round and lashed out at her. ‘Stop tempting me, Susan. Can’t you see any further than your nose? You’re being very unfair.’

  ‘I only want to show you how much I love you,’ she whispered. Her arms reached out appealingly to him. ‘Come on, Jim. We won’t be hurting anyone.’

  He shook his head sadly and moved away. ‘I’m sorry, Susan. More sorry than I could ever say.’