Playing With Fire Page 27

  Oh, dear God, it would be an awful way to live. But on the other hand of course, if Jim did ask her to marry him, she would be living at the other end of town. That should help matters. She repaired her make-up and, when she could delay no longer, made her way back to the ballroom.

  At the table Jim rose to his feet and eyed her with concern. ‘Are you all right, Susan?’

  She nodded, aware that all eyes were on her. ‘Can we dance, please?’

  Wordlessly he led her on to the dance floor. Tenderly holding her close, he pressed his cheek to hers and was dismayed to discover that it was wet with tears. Drawing back, he looked down at her. ‘What on earth’s the matter?’

  Thankful that the dimmed lights hid her tears from the other dancers, and ashamed that she was unable to control them, Susan buried her head against his chest and muttered, ‘I’m sorry. It must be the aftermath of having a baby that reduces me to tears for nothing. Having a baby upsets the hormones, you know. I think maybe I’m suffering from postnatal depression.’

  ‘Come off it. Baby or no baby, you’re not stupid enough to cry for nothing. Did Graham upset you?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘Oh, but it does matter. What happened?’

  ‘Forget it, Jim. Please? It was my own fault. I didn’t try to hide the fact that I resented their company and Graham took exception to it and we had words.’

  ‘But, he had no right . . .’

  ‘Please, Jim, don’t let me spoil our first evening back together. I just need time to get a grip on myself.’

  ‘Okay. Let’s stay away from the table for a while. Give you a chance to pull yourself together. Shall we have a drink?’

  She nodded gratefully and he twirled her in and out of the dancers until they were close to the bar. While they waited to be served she felt calmer and her conscience began to plague her. ‘Jim, I feel guilty leaving them sitting there.’

  ‘They’re not our problem, Susan. After all, we didn’t invite them along.’

  ‘Still . . . I feel I am mostly to blame. Can we bring them back a drink and let bygones be bygones?’

  Undecided, he eyed her through narrowed lids. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want to do?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He shrugged, obviously still perturbed. ‘All right! If that’s what you want.’

  ‘How do I look? Would you know I’ve been crying?’

  Jim eyed her intently. ‘No. No, you would never guess. Now take a deep breath and give me a big smile, then we can go back to them.’

  Graham saw them approaching the table and his heart lifted. He thought he had blown it. He regretted his outburst to Susan. Watching her plastered against Jim Brady as they circled the dance floor had made him so jealous that he had lost control of his reason and, when given the chance, had lashed out blindly with his tongue. He had said some terrible things to her. Now he gratefully accepted the glass of beer Jim handed him. ‘Thanks, Jim.’ He raised it to Susan. ‘Cheers.’

  Susan raised her glass of orange juice in reply. Holding his eye, she asked, ‘All friends again?’

  Alison was looking from one to the other of them in mystified surprise. Deciding to give them a chance to resolve their differences, Jim placed his beer on the table and said, ‘Would you like to dance, Alison?’

  ‘Only if it’s not going to upset anyone.’ She looked apprehensively at her sister.

  ‘Please, be my guest.’

  Alone at the table, Graham and Susan eyed each other. ‘Can we call a truce?’ she asked apprehensively.

  ‘With pleasure. But first I would like to apologise. I said some unforgivable things to you.’

  ‘Yes, you did.’

  ‘I’m very sorry, Susan. I realise now that I have been very unreasonable where William is concerned. I promise I won’t harass you again. If at any time in the future you should change your mind and wish to talk to me concerning him, I’ll be only too willing to listen. Meanwhile, he’s your son and I wish you both the best of everything.’

  Susan couldn’t believe her ears. He was letting her off the hook. ‘Do you mean it? No more insinuations?’

  ‘I’ve been a fool. Instead of trying to win you over, I’ve driven you away. I realise now your heart belongs to Jim.’

  ‘Can we be friends, Graham?’

  He grimaced. ‘That won’t be easy.’

  ‘What about Alison? If you marry her we will be family.’

  He shrugged. ‘I admit I’m very fond of her and intend marrying one day. So why not her? Believe me, if we do marry, I’ll do all in my power to make her happy. She will want for nothing. But don’t you worry about it. I’ll keep out of your hair.’

  The rest of the evening passed without incident, until near the end, when Ruth swooped down on them followed by an embarrassed Dougie. Stopping in front of Susan, she gaped in confusion. ‘Dougie knows the doorman and he let us in for the last couple of dances,’ she explained. Her eyes roamed over her friend’s dress and then rose questioningly to her face.

  Glad that Ruth had the sense not to question her openly in front of the others, Susan advised her friend, ‘You had better get on the floor then and sample this great band.’

  With a wry smile at them all, Ruth turned to her partner. ‘Come on, Dougie, let’s not waste any more time.’

  During the course of the evening Graham had managed to dance a couple of slow waltzes with Alison. Now he gestured towards the dance floor and said, ‘May I have this waltz, Susan?’

  Silently she allowed herself to be led on to the floor; it would be unkind to refuse, but she wished he hadn’t asked. She entered his arms and he drew her close. ‘I hope you don’t mind me asking you to dance? It will only be a bit of a shuffle, you know.’

  ‘No!’ Her voice was curt and she repeated more gently, ‘No, why should I?’

  ‘Well then, relax. I won’t bite you.’

  She was afraid to relax in case she gave him the wrong impression. She was remembering how, when he had stayed overnight in Edith’s house, she had got carried away at his closeness. But then, hadn’t she that very same night almost succumbed to Donald’s charms? It seemed she was just too easily seduced. He winced and, concerned, she asked, ‘Does it hurt you to dance?’

  He smiled wryly. ‘Believe me, the pleasure is worth the pain.’

  She glanced up and saw the dark shadows under his eyes; the pain he tried so hard to hide. ‘Look, Graham, there’s a couple of empty chairs over there along the wall. Let’s sit down.’

  ‘Promise you’ll stay with me, not run away.’

  ‘Of course I’ll stay. What kind of a person do you take me for?’

  He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again.

  ‘What were you going to say?’ He looked so forlorn that she wanted to put her arms around him and press his head to her breast. Comfort him as she would a child. God, what was she thinking of? That was Alison’s responsibility.

  They reached the chairs and he sighed with relief as he sank carefully down on to one of them.

  Undecided, she hovered in front of him. ‘You look awful! Can I get you anything? Some painkillers perhaps?’

  He shook his head. ‘Just sit down and keep me company for a wee while.’

  She obeyed and asked speculatively, ‘What were you going to say, back there?’

  Before he could answer her question, Alison and Jim stopped in front of them. ‘Are you all right, Graham?’ Alison asked anxiously.

  He shook his head. ‘No, I don’t feel so good. Sorry for spoiling your night, love, but I’d like to go home now. Please phone for a taxi.’

  ‘I’ll run you home.’

  ‘You’ll do nothing of the kind, Jim. The dance will soon be over.’

  ‘I insist . . . In fact, I’m sure Susan won’t mind if we all leave now?’ He glanced questioningly at Susan.

  Quickly Graham cried, ‘I won’t hear tell of it! I’ve been a big enough nuisance for one night. Please phone for a taxi, Jim. Perh
aps you will be kind enough to take Alison home?’

  ‘Of course.’ Seeing that he was at the end of his tether, Jim said, ‘I’ll ring for a taxi now.’

  ‘Thanks, mate.’

  The rush of late-night revellers going home had yet to start and the taxi arrived in no time at all. Leaving Alison at the door to say good night in private to her fiancé, Jim and Susan bade him farewell and returned to the ballroom.

  ‘He must love Alison a lot to suffer as he did tonight, just so that she could have a dance,’ Jim mused. ‘I’m not sure I’d have the guts to do it.’

  ‘Mm, indeed he must.’

  Her voice was tinged with irony and he questioned her, ‘Do you know something I don’t?’

  ‘Such as?’

  He shrugged. ‘I can’t even hazard a guess, but I know this much: something isn’t right between you two.’

  ‘Will you excuse me, Jim? Ruth has just left the room alone. She must be going to the cloakroom. I want to speak to her. I’ll be back in a jiffy.’

  In the cloakroom Ruth faced her friend in indignation. ‘What on earth are you playing at?’ she cried. ‘What happened to that beautiful dress you bought?’

  Hustling her into a corner, away from the other two occupants in the room, Susan hissed, ‘Hush. Alison will probably be in here any minute. She’s seeing Graham into a taxi.’

  ‘You didn’t show it to her?’

  ‘No. As a matter of fact, I didn’t show it to anyone.’

  ‘How were you able to resist?’

  ‘I only collected it this morning, remember?’

  ‘Well, put me out of my misery! Why didn’t you wear it tonight? Did you spill something on it? Is that it?’

  ‘No. I’m saving it for a better occasion. Perhaps Christmas.’

  Ruth’s eyes lit up. ‘He’s proposed, hasn’t he?’ she gasped in delight. ‘You’re going to get engaged at Christmas and that’s why you’re saving it.’

  ‘Do you know something, Ruth? You could write a book with that imagination of yours. Jim hasn’t asked me to marry him and I’m not getting engaged.’

  ‘Watch my lips, Susan. After paying all that money, why are you not wearing the dress tonight? That’s all I want to know.’

  She shrugged negatively and confessed, ‘I felt too grand in it. Overdressed, you know, for this kind of a dance. And I’m glad I didn’t wear it. No one else is wearing an off-the-shoulder dress here tonight. I’d have stuck out like a sore thumb.’

  ‘A very attractive sore thumb. If I looked half as good as you did in that dress, I wouldn’t care about anybody else. I’d be in my glory. Showing off.’

  ‘I’m different from you. I prefer to keep it for a special occasion. So there.’

  Ruth glanced over Susan’s shoulder. ‘Hi, Alison. Did Graham get away all right?’

  ‘Yes, the taxi came in no time. I shouldn’t have asked him to come here tonight. It was selfish of me. It was too much for him. He’s exhausted, poor dear.’

  ‘Never mind. Did you enjoy yourself?’

  ‘I did, Ruth.’ Alison glanced at her sister. ‘In spite of everything, I enjoyed myself.’

  Sensing a mystery, Ruth looked from one to the other. Her mouth opened to speak, but Susan forestalled her. ‘Come on, there must surely only be a couple of dances left. Let’s not waste any more time in here in idle gossip.’ She left the cloakroom and the others were obliged to follow, with Ruth silently vowing to get to the bottom of the mystery next time she met her friend.

  When the car drew into the driveway, Alison, who had remained silent throughout the journey home, leant forward from her seat in the back, and patting Jim’s shoulder, said, ‘Thank you very much for the lift home and for tolerating our company at the dance, Jim. It was very kind of you.’ Without a glance in her sister’s direction, she said, ‘Good night, Susan’ and hurried from the car.

  They watched her climb the steps and disappear through the door. ‘She’s still very annoyed at you,’ Jim mused.

  Tight-lipped, Susan argued, ‘I’m the one who should be annoyed.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so.’

  ‘What do you mean, suppose? I’m very disappointed in you, Jim. I thought you, at least, would be on my side.’

  ‘Here! Hold on a minute. I’m not on anybody’s side. My mind boggles just trying to make sense of it all.’

  Realising that he must be bewildered at her attitude towards Graham, she apologised. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil everyone’s night. It’s just that I’d been so looking forward to it and I’m afraid I couldn’t hide my disappointment. It’s as simple as that. No other reason. Anyway, thanks for putting up with me, Jim. Good night.’

  She was out of the car so quickly that for a moment he sat, taken aback. Bounding from his seat, he caught hold of her at the bottom of the steps. ‘Hey, hold on a minute. Why the big rush?’

  ‘I thought you’d had enough of me for one night.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. Get back in the car, I want to talk to you.’

  Fearful of eyes watching them from the house, she said, ‘It’s a lovely night, let’s go for a walk.’

  Obediently he followed her down the driveway. They headed on up the Old Cavehill Road and he was amazed when, a few minutes later, the Cave Hill loomed before them.

  She heard his gasp of surprise and agreed, ‘It does come as a bit of a shock the first time you see it. This is what I call the gentle side of the hill. It’s easier to climb than the rest of it.’ He still seemed dazed and she teased him, ‘You didn’t realise I literally lived at the foot of the Cave Hill, did you?’

  ‘I knew it was a long trek back the nights I walked home in the winter months, but I didn’t realise you lived so far out.’

  She slipped her arm through his and they climbed the twisting path until all the houses were out of sight. ‘It’s too late to climb any further. Shall we sit down for a few minutes?’ She closed her eyes tight in despair as she realised how this might sound to him. Would he think she was about to throw herself at him again, and take to his heels?

  To her relief, without any hesitation whatsoever he removed his jacket and spread it on the grass. They sat side by side in companionable silence. It was eerie by the light of the pale moon; all shadows and animal sounds. An owl hooted somewhere close and she shivered at the sound, pulled her cardigan closer around her body and hugged herself. Jim put his arm around her waist and pulled her close. They were sitting thigh-to-thigh and hip-to-hip, but to her surprise she wasn’t in the least bit physically aroused. She certainly had no great desire to ravage him. Remembering the agitated state she had been in the last time they were alone like this she felt a little confused, but glad to be in control of the situation. She felt very much at ease with him. Was this how it would be if they were married? Feeling his gaze, she turned her head and met his eyes. His lips hovered close and then claimed hers. He kissed her passionately - on the lips, the throat and cleavage - and she returned his caresses with warmth but no great passion. She was glad he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her and she was quite happy to respond to his kisses. At last he pushed her gently away and rising to his feet, pulled her upright.

  They stood face-to-face and, cupping her chin in his hands, he kissed her once more. ‘We’d better go now. It’s getting late.’

  At the door he asked, ‘Can I see you tomorrow night?’

  Regretfully she shook her head. ‘I couldn’t expect Mam to babysit two nights in a row. She isn’t fit enough, and William can be a right handful at times.’

  He smiled wryly. ‘I keep forgetting that you’re a mother. It will take a bit of getting used to. When can I see you?’

  ‘Give me a ring during the week and we’ll fix something up.’

  ‘Okay.’ A light kiss on the lips and he climbed into the car and was away.

  Susan made sure all the doors were locked and barred for the night. Climbing the stairs, she paused outside her parents’ door and listened. All she could hear was the
regular snoring of her father. Gently turning the doorknob, she quietly opened the door and peeped in. The cot was empty, but William took up most of the wide bed, arms and legs outstretched while her mother and father hung precariously on the edge of their respective sides.

  She debated whether or not to lift William and bring him to her bed, but decided it would be a shame to disturb everyone. With a smile she gently closed the door. This was something that mustn’t become a regular habit. The young rascal must be taught to sleep in his own cot or he would get used to the company and she would have trouble later on when she returned to work and needed to get a good night’s sleep.

  As she creamed off her make-up she went over in her mind the events of the evening. She admitted to herself that she had been a right nasty bitch. Still, it would be worth being thought a bitch if Graham really did stop pestering her. She remembered his strained face and her heart went out to him. If only he and Alison were closer. It was her fault that they weren’t! How she regretted that night of lust! If she hadn’t been so stupid, her sister and Graham would be married by now and she would probably be engaged to Jim. It hadn’t been all her fault, she lamented. Graham had wanted it, too.

  Was there any truth in the old wives’ tale that everything happened for a purpose? Surely not. What advantage could there be in the sin that she and Graham had committed? Not that they had planned it - no, it had been the result of a series of occurrences.

  Try though she did to recapture the comfortable feelings she had experienced with Jim, it was Graham’s face she carried into her unsettled dreams.

  She dreamt he was pursuing her towards the edge of a high cliff. She shook with terror as she peered over the edge at the angry waves crashing against the jagged rocks far below. Seeing no way of escape, she squared her shoulders and bravely turned to face him, but he wasn’t there. She awoke lathered in sweat, her heart pounding against her ribs. The feeling of panic stayed with her for a long time, making sleep almost impossible.