Playing With Fire Read online

  ‘To be truthful, I really don’t know what I would have done, Susan. I was in a dither, and once that tree came rushing at me, I was out for the count and remembered no more.’

  ‘What’s the latest news on your back, Graham?’

  ‘I don’t know, Alison. They took more X-rays, but they’re more likely to tell my parents or you the results, than me. But enough about me. Tell me, what’s the matter with Rachel?’

  ‘The same morning you were tangling with that tree, Mam had a stroke. But thankfully, it’s only a minor one and she’s expected to make a full recovery.’

  ‘Thank God for that.’

  ‘Graham, we came straight from the Mater and I’m here empty-handed,’ Susan confessed ruefully. ‘Can I bring anything the next time I come to visit you?’

  ‘I’ve everything I need, Susan. Just bring yourself, I’ll be glad to see you.’

  He was smiling foolishly at her, unable to hide his delight at her presence. Embarrassed, she glanced at her sister, but Alison seemed unaware of his reaction. Relieved, Susan said, ‘It’s been a busy morning, Graham. Now I’ve seen for myself that you’re on the road to recovery, I’d better go back to the house and unpack. No need for you to come, Alison; stay and keep Graham company.’

  To her dismay, Alison was on her feet in an instant. Susan had not wanted to take her away. Indeed, her intention was to leave them alone. ‘I’ll come with you. I’ve some shopping to do. You don’t mind if I go now, do you, Graham?’

  With a wry smile, Graham agreed, ‘Not in the slightest, Alison. You’d be bored stiff sitting here. Goodbye, Susan.’

  ‘I’ll come back tomorrow, Graham. I hope you have some good news by then. So long for now.’

  ‘Come with Alison tonight, Susan.’

  ‘Will your parents be here?’

  He nodded. ‘Probably.’

  She smiled wryly. ‘I had better not.’

  ‘You will have to meet them sometime, you know,’ he said gently. ‘After all, one way or another, we are to be related.’

  She flashed him a warning look. One way or another! Was he going to make things awkward for her?

  Unaware of the undertones, Alison assured him, ‘I’ll bring her with me tonight, Graham. We’ll go to the Mater first to see Mam and then come up here. See you then, love.’ She kissed him on the cheek and followed Susan out of the door.

  Graham gazed bleakly after them. With each day that passed he was slipping further and further into despair. So far he had been able to hide his misery, but how much longer would he be able to conceal this terror that plagued his mind? Never to walk again? How could he bear it? To be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. How could he tie a healthy young woman to a cripple? Would he now not be able to father a child? His mother was already lamenting the fact that she would probably never have a grandchild. Had the doctors hinted at this, or was she jumping the gun? Whatever the result of the tests, as soon as he was able he would release Alison from her promise to marry him. Even if he should recover completely, he knew he could not now marry Alison. No, it was Susan whose face was forever with him. If he recovered fully he would do all in his power to win her over. If he recovered fully! He wasn’t very optimistic.

  Susan and Alison decided to walk down Grosvenor Road into the town centre. Silence reigned for some time. A covert glance at her sister revealed the worry and tension that Alison had managed to hide so far. Pushing her own troubles to the back of her mind, Susan slipped her arm through Alison’s and pressed it close to her side.

  ‘Let’s go round to the Ulster Milk Bar and have a cup of their wonderful coffee, and you can tell me all about it.’

  Sensing her sister’s urgent need to talk, Susan propelled her past the stores with their eye-catching window displays advertising their Easter wares, and straight to the milk bar on the corner of Castle Place. They sat at a secluded table and sipped at the frothy coffee. ‘Come on now, tell me what’s bothering you,’ Susan said gently.

  To her dismay, tears gathered in Alison’s eyes. She blinked furiously to contain them. ‘Oh, Susan, I’m devastated. I can’t even sleep at night trying to picture how I’d manage to look after Graham. I’d be hopeless looking after an invalid. Bad enough if Mam was bedridden, although thanks be to God she isn’t, but a man?’

  ‘Aren’t you being a bit premature? Graham might very well make a full recovery.’

  ‘What if he doesn’t? Eh? How will I manage?’

  ‘He has money! He would build a house to suit his needs. Nurses would come daily to attend to him until he can look after himself. You’re lucky it’s only his lower limbs that . . .’

  ‘Lucky? Are you daft?’

  ‘I’m just pointing out that it could be a lot worse. Lots of people confined to wheelchairs live full, active lives.’

  ‘I’d still have to help him to bed. Lie beside him every night. Would he expect to . . .’ There was dread in the look she bestowed on her sister. ‘You know? Indeed, will he even be able to?’

  ‘You sound very selfish, Alison. Forget about your feelings for a minute and put yourself in his place for a change. You cared enough to become engaged to him so you must have some deep feelings for him.’ Struck by a sudden thought, Susan asked fearfully. ‘Have you met someone else?’

  ‘No. There’s no one in particular. To be truthful, though, before his accident I think Graham had also changed his mind.’

  ‘I don’t understand. If you were both in doubt, why get engaged?’

  ‘It was my fault. I insisted. I knew Dad was expecting us to, and with you refusing to come home and him being so annoyed, I didn’t want to disappoint him as well. Also . . .’ she added shamefacedly, ‘I didn’t want to lose face where my friends were concerned, and they were all waiting for me to produce a ring. Mind you, Mam had reservations. I know she thought I was too flighty.’

  ‘By the sound of it she was right. Just don’t do anything rash, eh? Take each day at a time and wait and see what happens. If he recovers, your worries will be over, and if you’re still in the same frame of mind, you can eventually break off your engagement later on. But until then, for goodness sake hold your tongue.’

  The sensation that someone was watching her caused Susan to turn her head slowly and scan the café. Jim Brady was on his feet instantly and, leaving the tall stool at the bar, wended his way between the tables towards them.

  ‘I thought I recognised the back of your head, Susan. When did you get home?’

  ‘Hello, Jim. How are you?’

  He leant closer. ‘All the better for seeing you. You look wonderful! May I join you?’ Without waiting for assent, he sat down, sure of his welcome, a delighted grin on his face. ‘Hello, Alison.’ The greeting was thrown in her direction without wasting a glance on her.

  Alison acknowledged him with a nod. She was in a dilemma. Would Susan want her to stay put, or would she prefer to be alone with him? A slight shake of the head warned her not to go.

  Jim leant across the table, his eyes devouring Susan’s face. ‘Are you just home for Easter or for good?’ He couldn’t believe she was here, sitting facing him.

  ‘I came home because my mother is ill, Jim.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. So . . . you won’t be staying? ’

  ‘That depends on circumstances.’

  His attention was riveted on Susan, and Alison felt invisible. Perhaps she should go? His next words brought her to her feet. ‘Susan, you will never know how I regret that last evening.’ This was private! She had no right listening in on this.

  ‘Look, Susan, I’ve something to do. It’s two o’clock. I’ll meet you at the bus stop at half past. Okay?’ Susan looked at her blankly and Alison repeated, ‘Right! Half an hour at the bus stop?’

  The words sank in and Susan nodded. ‘All right. I’ll be there.’

  At the door Alison looked back to wave, but Jim was gripping Susan’s hands and talking earnestly to her. Neither spared her a glance.

&nb
sp; Eyes aglow with happiness, Jim cried, ‘I can’t believe this is happening. I’m so glad to see you. No one would give me your address. They said you forbade them to. Why would you not let me write to you?’ In his happiness the words tumbled out in a rush.

  Susan couldn’t take in what he was saying. If he had cared so much, why had he rejected her? Glad that the table hid her shape, she said, ‘Because there would have been no point. We have nothing to say to each other. Remember, you yourself made that very plain, Jim.’

  ‘I was stupid. A fool. Please don’t make me suffer for my stupidity.’ He swung his head from side to side at the memory. ‘But I thought I had no choice. I couldn’t see any future for us, and I didn’t want to be wasting the best years of your life. But what do you think?’ His eyes shone and his voice shook with excitement as he explained. ‘Things have changed. Ma has got herself a fellow. Imagine! I couldn’t believe it when she told me. Although why I’m so surprised I don’t know. After all, she’s still a young woman. She met this man just before Christmas. He’s a widower with a comfortable income and they’re to be married on Easter Monday. How does that grab you? He’s a grand man and he’s going to look after the girls’ education. I’m free to do as I please.’

  Her heart thumped wildly in her breast as she drank in his beloved features. At his words she smiled wanly at him. ‘I’m very pleased for you, Jim.’

  A puzzled look crossed his face; apprehension dampening his happiness, he stressed, ‘Can’t you see what this means? We can be married. I’ve always loved you, Susan. You must surely know that? I haven’t changed. There’ll never be anyone else for me. I’ll marry you anywhere you like.’

  A deep sadness engulfed her. If only she hadn’t been so foolish, she could now have her heart’s desire. ‘Jim, you don’t understand. It’s too late for us. Much too late.’

  ‘Have you met someone else?’

  ‘No.’>

  ‘I don’t understand. How is it too late?’

  ‘I can’t explain. Just take my word for it, it’s too late. There’s no going back. There’s no us any more.’

  He glanced at his watch and then out the window. ‘Look, there’s my mother waiting outside. I was here to meet her, but I was early, so I came in for a coffee. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I spotted you. Ma’s taking me to see her new home. Would you like to meet her? I’ll call her in, shall I?’

  ‘No! Please don’t.’ He had made to rise, but at the panic in her voice he sat slowly down again. He frowned, strong white teeth gnawing at his lower lip for some seconds, then he said softly, ‘I understand. You don’t want to meet her just yet. But you will see me again, won’t you? Promise.’

  Glad that he would be leaving the café before her, and wouldn’t have to see her waddle out, she promised. ‘Give me a ring and I’ll meet you sometime next week. Go on. Away you go now.’

  Reluctantly he rose to his feet. Still doubtful, he repeated, ‘At home? Is it all right to ring you at home?’

  ‘Yes. At home.’

  Still uneasy, he repeated, ‘You’re not just putting me off? You will meet me, won’t you?’

  ‘Yes, if you still want me to, I promise to meet you. Look, your mother has spotted you. Go out to her.’

  ‘There’s something wrong, Susan. I know there is. Tell me, please.’

  ‘I’ll explain everything when I see you again. Okay? Please go.’

  With an abrupt ‘I’ll ring you tomorrow’, he left her.

  She watched mother and son greet each other and then Jim took his mother’s arm and, with a final glance over his shoulder into the café, led her away. Only then did Susan relax; his presence had kept the adrenaline pumping through her body, making her feel more alive than she had for many long months. He still had the power to thrill her. Now, his presence removed, she slumped down into her chair, a mass of quivering nerves.

  She had hoped to avoid any contact with Jim while she was at home, but here she was, less than a day in Belfast, and he was one of the first people she bumped into. He obviously didn’t believe she was pregnant. Why on earth had she promised to see him again? She couldn’t possibly meet him in her condition. What explanation could she give him? She would have to make some excuse when he rang. How she wished things were different and they could take up where they had left off. Lost in thought, she sat on, imagining how it might have been; forgetful that Alison was waiting for her.

  Chapter Eight

  Alison had arrived at the bus stop at twenty-five past and now, twenty minutes later, she was stamping her feet and swinging her arms in an attempt to keep out the cold. What on earth was keeping Susan? At last, in despair she headed back to the Ulster Milk Bar, praying all the while that her sister wouldn’t take a different route to the bus stop and that they’d miss each other. She needn’t have worried. Susan was sitting where she had left her, the empty coffee cup in front of her and a look of misery on her face.

  She came out of her reverie with a start of surprise when Alison stopped at the table. ‘I’m sorry. Is it time to meet you?’

  ‘Well past it.’

  Susan started to rise, but Alison with a hand on her shoulder said kindly, ‘Sit where you are. I’ll get us another coffee.’

  The warm liquid brought a little colour to Susan’s cheeks and she apologised. ‘I’m sorry. I completely forgot about the time.’

  ‘What had Jim Brady to say for himself, and why did he leave you in such a state - and you in your condition? He should be horsewhipped.’

  ‘You’ve got it all wrong! Thank God he didn’t notice my condition.’ She patted the table. ‘This hid my bump. He was meeting his mother. When she arrived he wanted to introduce her to me, but I managed to put him off by promising to meet him next week.’

  ‘Surely that wasn’t enough to upset you?’

  ‘No. He asked me to marry him.’

  ‘Why, that’s wonderful news . . .’ The look of derision cast in her direction caused Alison to come to an abrupt halt. ‘I . . . I thought you loved him!’

  ‘I do. At least I think I do. But so much has happened I don’t know whether I’m standing on my head or my heels.’

  ‘But you will accept his proposal?’

  ‘Don’t be daft! How can I?’

  A bewildered expression crossed Alison’s face, then she said slowly, ‘So he really isn’t the father?’ She smiled wryly. ‘You know something? I didn’t believe you.’

  ‘I know you didn’t. But now you know!’

  ‘Then . . . who on earth is the father?’

  ‘Look . . . if it becomes necessary, and only if it becomes necessary, I’ll tell you who the father is. Until then you’re wasting your breath asking.’

  ‘Well, drink up. We’d better head home. Dad will be starving. Do you know something? That man won’t even get up off his backside to make himself a bite to eat. Mam has him spoiled rotten. She waits on him hand and foot.’

  ‘More fool she! Let’s get going, then. We wouldn’t want him to fade away to a shadow, now would we?’ Rachel was discharged from hospital on Good Friday, on condition that she rested completely. They had given her a brain scan and were pleased with the results. She was to return to the hospital for therapy twice a week. The stroke was a warning, the doctors tried to instil into her. She was very lucky, they said, that although still a bit shaky on her feet, she could walk. Speech therapy would in time probably give her full recovery of her voice, and meanwhile, although her speech was slurred, she could communicate quite well. The future looked very promising, but she mustn’t take any unnecessary chances.

  Glad to be home and in her own bed, she silently vowed to obey the doctors’ orders to the letter. After all, she was soon to be a grannie and didn’t want to miss out on that pleasure. Propped up on pillows, she smiled happily at her eldest daughter. ‘I’m so glad you’re home, Susan.’

  Placing a tray across her mother’s knees, Susan replied, ‘I’m glad you’re coming on so well. Now I want you to eat all your
lunch. I’ll stay with you in case you need a hand.’

  Rachel’s left hand was still very weak - almost useless - but as she was right-handed she was able to feed herself if the food was cut into small pieces. However, she soon indicated that she’d had enough and, pleased at the amount she had managed to eat, Susan removed the tray. ‘I’ll bring us both up a cup of tea and we’ll have a nice little chat. I won’t be long.’

  This was their first time alone together and as they sipped their tea, Rachel attempted to question her.

  ‘Mam, don’t strain your voice. I know you must be worried about me, but don’t overdo it. I’ll try and fill you in on how things stand. First, Dad acts as if I’ve been sleeping around, and I want you to know that I haven’t. Honestly! I’ve only ever been with the baby’s father.’

  Although it was slurred, Susan had no difficulty understanding her mother’s next question and answered as honestly as she could. ‘No, I won’t be marrying him. He’s already engaged to someone else. Come on now, you’ve talked enough. Finish your tea. It’s time you were having a nap. We can have another chat later.’

  Rachel gripped her arm with her strong hand and managed to say in her slow, indistinct way, ‘You’ll stay at home, won’t you?’

  ‘Mam, that depends on a lot of things. As you can imagine, Dad’s not exactly over the moon to have me here in this condition. He never speaks directly to me, and it will probably be worse when the baby comes. So let’s just wait and see what happens. Okay?’

  ‘I suppose so. You know, Susan, he can’t help how he feels.’

  ‘Oh, can’t he?’

  ‘One day I’ll explain and you’ll understand.’ The tablets Rachel had taken with her tea began to take effect and her lids drooped towards sleep. Pulling the bedclothes over her mother’s arms, Susan gently touched her cheek. ‘Yes, Mam,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll stay if I possibly can, and God help me dad if he annoys you,’ she vowed. ‘I’ll swing for him.’

  Susan examined herself in the full-length mirror and sighed. She was dressed for outdoors, but even the loose coat now failed to hide the fact that she was pregnant. Alison sat on the bed watching her.